I have been saying I would stop watching this show for every season after Jeanna left..but here we are, season 35 and I’m hooked yet again. We are a couple episodes in, and already the ridiculous problems have begun. Tamra (aka Vicki’s puppy) made up with Gretchen, but is scared to tell Vicki because the last thing she wants to do is upset her. I guess, I mean, when you’re in your fifties, you should totally hold pointless grudges against younger, prettier women. Tamra even had some bracelet specially made for Gretchen that symbolizes something like new beginnings or whatever. I’m glad she got over her jealousy (come on, you know that’s the only reason she hated Gretchen) and I hope she meant it. Vicki is selling her house and decides the proper thing to do is throw a party for everyone. By ‘proper thing’, I mean the first situation Bravo can throw all the ladies into a group setting for filming and hope fighting goes down. Don is still living with her, and she’s now dating some dude with a plural name. Alexis is still mad at that dude Peggy for having some random hookup with her creepy boyfriend 40 years ago, but they both freak me out so I’m rooting for no one in that situation. Tamra meets Heather, who is actually rich (remember when they ALL were rich??) and thankfully, brunette. I like Heather thus far, she’s pretty, kinda funny and crazy rich! Slade is still Gretchen’s bitch, doing whatever he can to stay relevant on this show. I like him as her bitch, but I miss the days when he was rich and basically owned Jo.
So more recently, Tamra and her creepy man Eddie are on a trip with Vicki and her plural named man, and at first, they all get along just peachy. But Vicki and Eddie start getting along too well, and as the alcohol flows, they get quite touchy-feely. Tamra’s face doesn’t move enough to show it, but she’s really upset and lashes out by grabbing Vicki’s man’s hand and placing it on her plastic boob. This in turn pisses Eddie off, and they basically fight for the rest of the episode and into the new one. Tamra declares that Vicki and Eddie are her best friends and they have no business ‘touching each other’, and proceeds to get angry again when they attempt to hi-five. I mean, I guess I can understand why Tamra is jealous – Eddie clearly has an attraction to old fried haired blondes, so it’s a legit concern that he would go after Vicki. Disgusting, but legit.
Vicki’s party obviously didn’t satisfy Bravo, because now we have Heather planning some painting shin-dig. They’re really trying to make this Alexis-Peggy crap interesting, and I don’t like it. Alexis has annoyed me from day one, and of all the creepy dudes on this show, her man is by FAR the worst. And her ‘Alexis Couture’ dress line should be banned to the pageant world. But then again, I do like some of those Toddlers with their Tiaras and that’s just cruel to ask them to adorn those ‘fashions’. Anyway…at this painting party, it comes out that Gretchen and Tamra visited a sex shop together, and Vicki is instantly jealous. As they start to describe their purchases, Heather gets a little snobby and says that she doesn’t speak of things that happen in her bedroom. She then goes on to talk about being a great actress and part of a 14 piece band and some other pointless crap. Her husband shows up and starts joking with the ladies about their marriage and lack of sex, which sets Heather off – she runs to the wine and chugs down a bottle quick, then comes back to throw some jabs of her own. I like her, but I’m starting to see that she’s taking herself a little too seriously…
Back to jealous Vicki – this actually made me laugh out loud. Tamra mentions that she likes Gretchen’s hair (she’s wearing it in a ponytail) and Vicki’s eyes get HUGE in disbelief. She makes some petty remark about Tamra and Gretchen calling each other before the party and planning ponytails (since Tamra has gathered her weave into a side ponytail) and Tamra tries to backtrack by saying she likes Vicki’s hair too. But Vicki is now keeping score in her immature head – noting their trip to the porn store and now Tamra giving Gretchen GASP – a compliment! What a bad friend she is, to decide she’s done with being mad at Gretchen. The boiling point, though is the most laughable. Tamra asks Alexis to take a picture of her and Gretchen, and Vicki is watching in complete horror. But when Heather is handing out the paintings everyone did and Tamra says she thinks Gretchen’s painting is the best, Vicki snaps! She goes off about everything she heard/saw this evening and calls them ‘best friends’ in a mocking tone. Her plural boyfriend shows up to take her home, and as she’s leaving she hugs everyone, including Gretchen, but purposefully doesn’t hug Tamra, nor does she say goodbye to her. My GOODNESS!!! It’s like I’m watching Laguna Beach instead of a 50 year old woman. I just…don’t…get it.
We end on Gretchen reveling she found some info about Vicki’s plural boyfriend that indicates he doesn’t pay child support and is a deadbeat dad. Funny, didn’t Vicki have awful things to say about Slade for that very same reason last season? Ha, that rhymed. Slade is legitimately pissed and warns Gretchen about continuing to associate herself with these ‘women’. I agree, Gretchen is far too good to be a part of that nonsense, but Bravo won’t have it any other way.
I can’t wait for next week to see Slade’s ‘comedy’ routine…stay tuned!