I have sooo not been motivated to watch this show, which is a phrase I never thought I’d say. So I’ll be recapping the last few episodes in this one post.
Vinny leaves the house because he wants his mommy, and the kids are legit acting like he died. Deena is crying hysterically saying Vinny is her ‘soul’ and she doesn’t know what to do without him. JWoww basically has to babysit her at the club, and with the magic of alcohol, everyone seems to forget about Vinny pretty quickly. Mike and Pauly both bring random girls home, they all smush, and Deena spends the night on the roof with JWoww crying about Vinny. Fun, yeah? You see why I’m so far behind on this show now? Um, the ‘Meatballs’ go somewhere and get crazy-can’t walk-drunk and by the end of the night, Deena’s wave is a big tangled rat’s nest that takes half the roommates to straighten out. The only funny thing to happen is Pauly found this older girl with tattoos who he says is Vinny’s type and declares that he will smush her in Vinny’s honor, in Vinny’s bed. Gotta love that guy. He’s 50% the reason I watch the show, JWoww being the other 50.
Let’s see…some Bosnian chick is first shown flirting with Mike, but comes home with Pauly on his birthday. When she refuses to go to bed with him, Pauly immediately calls her a cab. She walks out, but comes right back in saying she’s not ready to leave, and now wants to be with Mike. Mike though, has Paula in his room (chick from season one that banged him in the hot tub and then fell down the stairs) and he’s keeping the Bosnian chick outside, trying to get rid of her. This feels so familiar, I’m certain every season Mike and Pauly have had 2 girls in the house and had to decide who to ditch and who to smush. Oh, these $100,000/episode problems. Such a pity. The rest of the time focuses on Mike and Pauly’s birthday. They are supposed to be celebrating together, but the focus is all on Pauly. His whole family comes, he gets his beloved hair cut, they have a dinner, and the roommates even make him a cake. Everyone ignores Mike, though, and he ends up pouting and storming out. Highlight of this portion – again, Pauly. When he got his hair cut, he was in a black cape, wet curls hanging down over his face with Snooki’s hair clips holding the hair up in sections, and he looks like the happiest guido on earth.
Mr. Boss Man Danny wants to replace Vinny, and everyone protests, he does some random interviews that never really lead to anything. So they finally get the idea to all roll out to Staten Island bring Vinny back home, but not before going to the t-shirt shop to make shirts in his honor. Vinny’s new exciting news is he got a new tattoo across his chest. Awesome. If you haven’t yet realized, I have actually covered 3 episodes up to this point, which is a shame. I’m leaving out the stupid little things that happen, like Snooki and Deena getting bunny costumes and trying to scare people, and Sam fighting some chick in the club that snatched at her precious extensions. Mike is starting to act like a crazy female, and feels like everyone is talking shit behind his back. He’s being incredibly nice to everyone, but what ends up setting him off is Ronnie telling him it feels like he’s a terrorist plotting to blow up the house. He actually runs around the deck with his man parts hanging out of his shorts, yelling about how nice he’s been and that everyone talks about him no matter what he does so he’s just gonna go back to being a little bitch. Good, I prefer that.
Snooki’s big problem is her UTI, which she has no problem broadcasting to everyone at the club after she pissed herself on the dance floor. She covers it up by running to the bathroom and spraying perfume all over her crotch, then gets back to dancing like nothing happened. I don’t even wanna imagine the scent in that house. Axe cologne, pickles, cigarettes, marinara sauce, fried weave and desperation to figure out what the hell they’re gonna do when they realize they don’t have legit careers outside the show. We end this one with JWoww trying to get in touch with Roger, but for some reason he’s avoiding her. Mike happens to see him on the beach and immediately tells Jenni, who gets pissed. Next week doesn’t look to good for them, and I don’t like that. I wouldn’t f*ck with Jenni, I still have that image of her, drunk as hell, with her back to Mike, and whipping around with a punch that connected directly to his jaw without even looking at him. I couldn’t do that completely sober with years of boxing training. She is a beast, and I love her. Roger, don’t f*ck this up!
If you were bored reading this, I apologize, I was bored watching it. I thought we were in for a good season, especially it being the last one, but it just seems tired now. I’m holding out hope, though that it WILL pick up, and soon! Fingers crossed…