So again, I find myself behind on my DVR and unfortunately really behind on the blog so we’re gonna play a game of catch up. The good thing is that I’m finding out all of these episodes of the Real Housewives of the OC are the same – a bunch of plastic women with wigs attempting to re-live high school and fight with each other for no real reason. It always starts with the new one (and the only one with real money) Heather, inviting everyone to some random shin dig. First it was painting and alcohol, then that 80’s thing, with alcohol and now bowling, with bottled water. No, kidding. With alcohol. Since we all know that these girls end up fighting every time (just like Bravo planned), I’m gonna comment on the girl’ individual antics. If you notice one of the wenches isn’t mentioned, that jut means she’s boring.
I simply must start with Alexis. This wench gets a nose job and acts as though she’s getting a hysterectomy and a double masectomy. I mean they had a prayer circle going on, she’s thinking she’s not gonna wake up from anesthesia, blah blah blah. She cries in the doctors office for the consult and is damn near inconsolable the day of. Her husband is looking at her like she’s even more dumb than he remembers, but still trying to calm her down. Honestly? I think she was more concerned with the cameras seeing her without makeup than anything else. Of course she hires a nurse to be at her house for recovery because goodness forbid her husband do anything, but she mostly just sleeps it off with frozen peas on her face. The best part is she gets mad at Gretchen for not immediately showing up to her house after the surgery. I don’t know what the point of that would have been…was Gretchen supposed to come tell her how good she looked? Because that would have been a lie. Or was she supposed to do stuff for her? Because I’m pretty sure I just mentioned the nurse Alexis had. Idiot.
I’m still not sure if she’s playing up a character for the cameras or if she is really SO delusional that she thinks she’s this amazingly smart working mom. I mean really, WTF is this gig she’s doing with Fox news?? I know they aren’t the greatest source of information unless you think a certain way, but after seeing the first ‘story’ she did about the shape of butts, I was surprised she was invited back. In her mind she’s such a natural, and she’s so great on camera, yet every other word out of her plastic lips is ‘uh’, or ‘what?’ or mispronouncing some word like ‘exercise’. This most recent trainwreck had her talking to a panel about sex, pop culture and kids, which is great since she’s such a perfect christian, right? She then proceeds to say that she’s so good at it because she’s been doing it for 2 months (I’m thinking its just been the 2 segments in 2 months) and because she took a journalism course in college. Um…ok. So anyway, while introducing the panel, she butchers the last girl’s name (she mistook Adria for Aria), and when trying to state her career says, ” – the, pshy, the pshych, the psycho and adol, um, pshychol and adolescent, um, psych..” when finally the woman jumps in and says ‘adolescent psychologist’, all while looking like she’s trying her hardest not to laugh. The first guy on the panel literally gets half a sentence out before Alexis jumps in with a whole different point than what he’s trying to make. She actually said “You turn on the radio and there’s all this love and feelings, and you know, children shouldn’t hear that yet. The 5 year old is gonna acquire that taste….you know…”
Each time someone else tried to talk after that, Alexis cut them off with plenty of other useless points, and at the end says she almost started crying because it was such a sensitive topic. I mean, I guess so, if you have 5 year old children and all they are hearing on the radio is ‘love and feelings’ you should probably be really frightened for their mental health. I’m surprised her youngins aren’t running around hugging people and expressing their love and feelings like the radio tells them to. By the way, does the OC play completely different things on the radio than they do here in NorCal? I’m racking by brain but can’t think of a song remotely that G rated. So later her man takes her to dinner and basically tells her that her working isn’t what he signed up for. From her prom/pageant dress line to now this totally important gig with Fox, the only result he’s seeing is she’s not the same slave he married. I don’t like that dude, and I don’t watch Fox so it doesn’t bother me either way, but I think she needs to listen to him, and just keep being a good little servant so her daughters have something to look up to.
Tamra. I can’t believe I’m about to admit this – but I’m starting to like her. Maybe it’s because she’s finally gotten over her severe jealousy of Gretchen, maybe it’s because she realizes that Vicki is a dramatic asshole or maybe it’s simply those funny one-liners she spits, but I’m not hating her anymore. Maybe that creepy dude Eddie actually makes her so happy that she realizes how childish her little grudges were. But she can’t become TOO mature or Bravo won’t keep her around for season 236. She’s really not doing much lately except being cool with Gretchen and hiding it from Vicki like some soap opera affair. She also decided to take her big ol’ fake boobs out and although its still not a major surgery, she wasn’t nearly as dramatic as Alexis was about her nose. Just sayin. She didn’t make it to the big bowling party because of her surgery, so there’s not much left to report on that front.
Gretchen..oh dear sweet Gretchen. I’ve loved her since day one, think she’s gorgeous and I’m fine with her makeup and purse line – but singing?? Yeah, she brought it up a couple times in seasons past, but this episode showed her at a vocal coach and my ears are still ringing. She’s blaming the errors on the fact that she screamed so hard at Vicki at that horrible hair/outfit party and hurt her voice, but I’ve heard professional singers sing while they have a cold that’s keeping them from breathing right and they still sound amazing, so that’s no excuse. I would like her to stick with being pretty and making her little items, because I’m already jealous that the UK produces singers like Adele, Jessie J, Joss Stone, etc and we will support anyone with a hot body and auto tune. *sigh*
Heather is awesome because she’s the only brunette and the only one with money (besides Vicki) but all she’s been doing since she got on the show is plan these parties. NEXT.
Vicki is still whining about her bullshit ‘love tank’, but apparently it’s multiplied because now she says ‘plural name has filled all my tankS’. What other tanks does this hag have?? Let me guess – love tank, insurance tank, overbearing tank, dish it but can’t take it tank, dramatic tank, I’m perfect so don’t call me out on my errors tank – never mind, this can go on forever. I’m still wondering why it’s OK that her plural name boyfriend went to jail for not paying child support, but Slade is the devil because of his problems with it. And Slade didn’t get put in jail either. When is someone finally going to point out the fact that Vicki is jealous that Slade bones all the housewives but has avoided her old intense ass? I won’t comment on her sick daughter, because the primary reason I’m not on this blog like I need to be is because I’m stuck in hospitals, so I just hope she is better and back to her normal life. Aww, see? I do have a little black heart in there under all the hate.
Is that man Peggy still on the show? Maybe she’ll come back after she gets the operation.
Well, with Teen Mom 2 over, and the OC wives approaching the end, I’ve decided to take on some new shows. I’ll ramble em off for you, and if there’s anything you want me to add, let me know. That’s not me saying ‘yes’, but I like suggestions anyway. 😉
– The Pauly D Project (yeah buddy!)
– Teen Mom (the OG’s when they finally come back)
-Don’t be Tardy for the Wedding
-Shannen Says – this one is a ‘maybe’. she annoys me so much that I don’t know if I wanna subject myself to it.