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Archive for the ‘AN OPEN LETTER TO…..’ Category

Dear Tori Spelling…

I love the original Beverly Hills 90210, and have been watching reruns for months now. I have a few questions for you in reference to Donna Martin – the ugliest virgin in California. I’m just gonna jump right in.

First of all, I know Donna had a learning disability, so was that the basis of your poor acting? Or did the directors pick up on it and then write the disability into the storyline? The second option seems to make more sense. They can’t fire you, since you’re Aaron Spelling’s daughter, so they had to come up with a reason as to why Donna was just so slow. I mean, half the time, your facial expressions didn’t mimic the lines you were saying. You’d have a sad face while saying something like “Let’s go shopping, Kelly!” and be all shits and giggles while telling people that Kelly was shot. It must have been really REALLY frustrating to work with you, not only for the producers, directors, writers, etc, but also for the other actors beside you. Sad.

Secondly, how is it supposed to be believable that a virgin with your face could consistently have a boyfriend?? This boggles my mind. But it does prove what talented actors the men were (especially David – bravo for pretending to be so into her for all 10 seasons!) that had to be, uh, lusting after you.

Third, what’s up with the crazy hair changes?? A little change now and then is great, but you had to realize that some people just don’t look good with short hair. Others don’t look good with long hair, and only a small percent can pull off the deep maroon you seemed to rock the most in the later seasons. You, my dear, cannot pull off any of these looks, so maybe that was a bad question.

Finally, this last question has more to do with Tori than Donna. I notice you are saying you got a goat, and that goat conveniently appeared around the same time you gave birth to your most recent child. Now, did you really get a goat, or are you just saying that so when you’re pictured with the baby and it comes off in photos as looking like a goat that you can say, ‘no, silly, that’s my new goat!’? I know that question may seem confusing, so take all the time you need to process it.

Thanks for being the face I strive to fast forward each time I tune in!

Love,

Niki. ๐Ÿ™‚

Dear Farrah…

Dear Farrah of the original Teen Mom,

I despise you. There, I said it. There’s not enough patience in the world to deal with your attitude, and if I were your parents, I would have beat you up looooong ago. Just the way you speak to people is enough to get your ass kicked in my book. And you wonder why you can’t keep any friends?! Do you even watch yourself when the show airs to see how ridiculously stupid you look? I bet you do – you’re justย  slow to realize that YOU are to blame for all your own problems. I’m actually glad you gave Sophia to your mom, I mean, she raised her anyway. While you were whining about ‘being a teenager’ and staying out all night, she was there babysitting, I’m assuming without payment (even though you make plenty from MTV) and usually without any problems. The problems started (again) when you opened your monotone, smart ass mouth. And your poor dad, he just seems to have given up on everything. I understand, but I don’t know why he won’t just get up and go. I’ll have to send him his own ‘Open Letter’ another time.

Love,

Niki. ๐Ÿ™‚